She Did WHAT?
by Noraque
Summary: Gibbs discovers that Ziva's taken the Charger to practice her 'Mossad driving skills'... and she's taken Tony, Abby and McGee with her! Whose bright idea was it to let her do THIS? And what will the consequences be? Crack fic one-shot. Read and Review!


"Where the hell is everyone?" Gibbs demanded as he strode into the bullpen. His temper was increasing dangerously and only continued to increase as he saw that the bullpen was still empty and devoid of any of his team members, who he'd been looking for the past hour. He'd checked MCAT, only to find the room deserted. He'd checked the garage, but the only ones there were other NCIS agents and scientists. He'd burst into the director's office, only to interrupt Vance while he was chewing on a toothpick, causing the man to painfully pierce his tongue with the piece of wood in question. He'd gone down to Abby's lab with the intention of having her run a trace of their phones, only to find the Goth scientist MIA as well.

The other agents in the bullpen merely shook their heads and nervously backed up away from the incensed ex-marine. With gritted teeth Gibbs strode in Autopsy.

Ducky wasn't there but Jimmy Palmer was, leaning over a dead petty officer. "Palmer!"

The M.E's assistant jumped nervously, narrowly avoiding dropping the blade on his foot. "Ah… y-yes, Agent Gibbs?"

"Where the hell's my team? It's like they've vanished into thin air, and I _know_ that's not possible!"

"I- I…" Palmer stuttered nervously.

"You got something to say Palmer? Or do I have to rip it out of your throat?"

"Well, um…"

"Ah, Jethro." Ducky fortuitously chose that moment to re-enter. Palmer quickly skirted behind the senior M.E. "I'm glad you could finally join us. This poor soul won't stay in this good condition forever."

"I can't work this case right now Ducky, because I got no one to work it with! My team has vanished into thin air and no one seems to know a goddamn thing! Where the hell are they?"

"You mean Abigail didn't tell you?" Ducky looked at his friend questioningly.

Gibbs' head jerked upright in alarm. "Tell me what?"

"Ziva and she took the Charger out about an hour ago. Abigail gave me her explicit promise she would have told you first."

"Take the Charger? Where? There was nowhere to go an hour ago since we didn't have any leads to follow up! What did she need to take it for?"

"I believe Ziva said something about the time of day being perfect for testing out some of her old Mossad driving skills on American roads."

Gibbs froze on the spot. "She did _WHAT?_"

"Ah yes, the two ladies also took Anthony and Timothy with them. Anthony said something about driving lessons."

"Son of a…" Gibbs turned heel and sprinted in the direction of the garage.

If he could only get a lock on them in time, he might be able to save _this _company vehicle from destruction…

**NCIS**

On the streets of DC, Special Agent Ziva David was having the time of her life. In the past half hour, she had managed to navigate through a crowded four-way intersection, on a red light, while executing a hundred eighty degree spin. She had driven up on an alleyway wall on two tires while cutting down the alley to shave valuable seconds. She had jumped over a puny little speed bump coming up a hill and caught glorious airtime before crashing back down in a large puddle from this morning, causing a massive splash that soaked both the vehicle and the old lady standing on the sidewalk next them; the profanity-laced tired she sent after the van indicated that it was not a welcome gesture.

"This is going even better than I had hoped!" She shouted gleefully to her companions. "How about we try something different now, like… what is your American expression? Off-roading!"

In the back, McGee and Abby exchanged very apprehensive and worried looks. In the depths of the front passenger seat, Tony cracked open an eye, the first movement he'd made since Ziva had put her foot on the gas, and said cautiously, "Uh, Ziva? Maybe you're not quite ready for that just yet."

"Exactly!" Abby piped up. "You might accidently blow a tire or rip your gas line or… or…"

"Cause some other really major, avoidable catastrophe." McGee added as he gripped the side handle.

Ziva turned around to grin at her two colleagues in the back, and the Charger started to drift into the left hand lane. Tony quickly reached over and spun the wheel back to the right, and they narrowly avoided ploughing head on into a tractor trailer. Tony shot a glare at her, but Ziva merely shot him another innocent grin. "Sorry! My bat!"

Tony didn't have a chance to correct her mistake as she heaved the wheel hard to the right and got on a road that led out to a rural area. "Fasten your seat belts everyone!" She shouted back."This is going to be a bumpy ride!"

Tony sunk even further back in his seat. McGee gulped nervously and tightened his grip on the side handle. Abby grabbed hold of McGee's arm, slipped out the cross she wore under her dog collar, clutched it tight with her free hand and began to pray…

**NCIS**

By the time Gibbs got a lock on the Charger and had caught up with it in a field outside DC, Ziva had pulled her three colleagues and friends out of the vehicle and onto the grassy field, where they lay recovering in sprawled heaps. Ziva sighed and put her hands on her hips, examining the smoking, crumpled mass of metal that had been the front end of the Charger in the deep ditch it had run into.

"_DAVID!"_ She turned around to see Gibbs storming over towards her from a van, his face as dark as a thundercloud. "Alright, you better have a _damn_ good explanation for this!"

"I am sorry to say that I do not, Gibbs."

Gibbs sighed. "Then give me a _bad_ explanation!"

Ziva shrugged. "These things have to be tested from time to time." She walked away to retrieve some belongings of hers from the drivers side of the wrecked Charger.

Gibbs turned to Tony, who was incredibly pale and slowing sitting up; a few metres away McGee was comforting Abby, who was on all fours, pale and trembling. "Can I ask just what the hell you were thinking when you let her take the Charger, DiNozzo?" The ex-marine pointedly asked. "You know she's not allowed to try her Mossad driving skills here anymore!"

"I _tried_, boss." Tony defended himself. "It didn't work. In the interests of sparing Abby a solitary episode of trauma, we," he gestured towards McGee, "agreed to come with them. Besides, _he_," he made another gesture towards McGee, "thought we could make any repairs on the fly."

"I didn't count on going front first into a rocky ditch." McGee retorted. "Besides, you're just as much to blame as I am. You could have at least tried to make her see reason about how she operates a vehicle. Her driving tales at the Navy Yard are practically urban legends. She was a maniac at driving as a Mossad officer, and she's even more of a maniac at driving as an NCIS agent!"

Gibbs took a deep breath, struggling to reign in his temper before he exploded. After a tense ten seconds of fighting with himself, he growled, "Alright, let's get this thing cleared up and back to the Navy Yard. I can't _wait_ to explain _this_ to Vance; he's already pissed off with me enough as it is." He turned his attention towards their resident lab rat. "Abby? Are you alright?"

Abby's response came in the form of a panicked look spreading across her face before clamping a hand over her mouth and racing over to a nearby bush. The retching sound that followed answered the ex-marine's question.

"Yeah, uh…" McGee fumbled, "that would be the Thai food I brought her earlier, boss. Apparently spicy rice and Mossad driving lessons don't mix as well as I thought."

Gibbs fought back his urge to hit something and instead ordered his two male agents to help Abby into the still operational van. As this was being done, Gibbs marched over and practically dragged Ziva over to the vehicle, planting her firmly in the passenger's seat before climbing in himself. After placing a curt call to NCIS to order another team to come and collect what was left of the Charger, he began the drive back to NCIS.

"That's it, Ziva." He said firmly. "Whenever we go out in the field, you're not to drive. If I can't do it, have DiNozzo or McGee do it. Never again."

"But Giiiiiiiiiiibbs!" Ziva practically whined.

"The answer's no, Ziver. What the hell did you think you were doing? You nearly cost me three members of my team! How could you be so irresponsible?"

Ziva merely shrugged and nothing more was said on the way back. When they arrived at the Navy Yard, Abby stumbled to the women's bathroom to clean herself up while Tony and McGee both made their way down to Autopsy to recover. Ziva disappeared somewhere almost as soon as they got off the elevator.

Gibbs crashed at his desk and rubbed his temples painfully. _Screw Vance_, he thought. Maybe he ought to just go home and drink obscene amounts of bourbon until either he passed out under his boat or his liver finally exploded. With the way things were going, it was his brain that was going to explode first if he stayed here much longer.

Ziva suddenly appeared in front of him. "Gibbs! I have figured it out. Perhaps I just need someone to give me driving lessons… like you! You know how to drive, Gibbs! Yes!"

There was an audible _thunk_ as Gibbs dropped his head to his desk. "Why me?"

**A/N: Yeah, I know Ziva is probably a little OOC here, but please review and tell me what you thought!**


End file.
